To Blog OR Not To Blog…Confessions of an Over-Thinker!!

I was jumping out of my skin when it was announced on the first visionary call of the year with our company that the Alchemy Program had been formed. I couldn’t wait to share with our business associates my excitement in an overview email, I registered immediately for The Alchemy Apprenticeship and could see myself clearly winning the blog writing competition and being flown over to Colorado to hang out with our company’s founders prior to the next event.

Yet…it’s been almost a month and I have not submitted a blog entry. There is not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about it and writing down topic ideas. Then I spend a moment beating myself up about it. So, what’s stopping me…?

Lack of Commitment…nahhhh!

Lack of Passion….NO!

Procrastination…warm

Fear…warmer

Failure…warmest

Comparing myself to others…HOT!!

The fear of failure by comparison paralyses me. I don’t believe I have ever said it like that before.

My fear of failure makes for a great quality as an event manager as I triple cross check everything and generally speaking nothing goes wrong as I account for every possible scenario, my goal is to always put on the best event anyone has experienced.  However, that said, in our business with PG and personal life – I am my own stopper.

How am I my own stopper? I am forever comparing myself to others – unfairly, I compare myself to the person at the gym who is the strongest and fastest, I compare myself to the leaders here at PG, wondering am I worthy to be a leader and stand among them. Simon was growing his business with PG when I met him and upon my decision to join him I find myself comparing my ability with his ability to talk with prospects on the phone and his boldness to step out on most calls and just rattle off something clever and inspiring – could I do this that well??…By my own comparison, I always come off second best by my own opinion, and so I remain as I am…believing I am not quite good enough.

What’s my game plan…? I will begin by owning it, owning my quality and turn it around to use it for the greater good. That’s tough, it’s tough because it’s how I reason with myself for not doing or not participating in something. By identifying with my fear of failure, I will be able to monitor my decision making process and call myself on it and now have you guys too call me on it. The beautiful element of this leadership community is having others hold you to a higher standard.

The funny thing is by succumbing to my fear of failure, I am choosing to not participate and thus I am not choosing in…and this results in failure ANYWAY!!! Lose/Lose.

The words I live by are ‘To Lead By Example’ and yet I can feel like a fraud at times.  So, I choose in. I choose to blog and will move to grow beyond my ‘fear of failure by comparison’. I am after all the supreme authority of my own life.

This morning’s call with Helen, Anna and Rachel inspired me, I can’t quite put my finger on it though there in lies just one reason to always (no matter what) PLUG IN to the training calls.

To be continued…

Kara 